First Loves

By: Jodi Cross

Your first love is like breathing oxygen when you emerge from the womb. Love can be intoxicating, all-consuming and scary. First you are uncertain, then you need it, crave it and can’t live without it.

Recently, I found some old love letters from my first love. The letters spanned over a period of five years from the time I was 13-18. My boyfriend Chip and I were inseparable, much to my parent’s chagrin.   Oh, how that boy loved me! He professed it in every letter, card and with artistic renderings. Once he even painted I love you in the road in front of my house with a big yellow heart and signed it, love Chip, in front of his house because he knew I drove to work that way in the morning.

I learned a great deal from that relationship and the letters reminded me of that all-consuming first love and took me back to those adolescent days. Love can be complicated and messy sometimes. I could tell from one of the letters that we hit a rough patch. Chip had quit school and was planning to move. I encouraged him to finish high school and pursue his passion for art. The letter outlined his plan, and how devoted he was to me then closed with his desire to make me his wife. He signed off with a little drawing of a diamond ring. My heart must have been all a flutter. There were periods over the five years that we broke up and I dated others. In fact, I recall falling out of love with Chip and feeling nothing but friendship for him for a long period of time. In one letter, he noted that I hadn’t told him I loved him in some time and that this would be the last letter that he would write telling me he loved me.

That New Year’s Eve, I was dating someone else but I missed Chip desperately. I left the party and my date in search of my first love, I ran into him at the local 7-Eleven, unfortunately so did the guy I was dating. A huge fight ensued, the two guys ended up bloodied and bruised. I ended up with my car in a snow bank with two broken windows resulting from the ordeal. That would be one of the messy moments. The fight continued back in my driveway until two in the morning. Sobbing, I woke my sister who came to my rescue in her pajamas and got rid of the two boyfriends by threatening to call the police.

As spring approached, my love for Chip blossomed a new. I remember thinking how just the other day I wanted to be friends, now I was head over heels again. That lesson proved to be very insightful later in life. After all, don’t all long-term relationships go through peaks and valleys? What a gift to realize that when you are in a valley, if you just persevere, you can reach the next peak.

Chip and I parted ways long ago when I left for college, but I will never forget him. As I celebrate my husband and I’s eighth anniversary this month, I am reminded of our vows. In today’s culture, we tend to be too disposable with our hearts. In Corinthians 13, it describes the gift of love as the most important gift of all. Love is patient, kind and never gives up, love always looks for the best, doesn’t keep score and cares more for others than for itself.

In fact, our vows said…for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, I often think people don’t realize that there will actually be a worse, sickness, and a poorer period in all relationships that are worth their salt!

Here’s to love and the messy, complicated, oh so worth it relationships we all have in our lives!