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As we cruise into May, we celebrate Mother’s Day. We refer to my mom, now 83, as the bionic women. In the last decade, she has had both her knees and hips replaced. Throughout it all, including a misdiagnosis and severe pain she carried on, did the laundry, cleaned the house and kept on moving.

I often feel women have been underestimated throughout history. We all know about such trailblazers as; Amelia Earhart, Margaret Thatcher and Mother Theresa but what about the millions of silent mothers and wives who work tirelessly behind the scenes for their families. This year, two of my dear friends were diagnosed with cancer. These women are warriors, bravely fighting every day. As I speak with their husbands and children I feel their pain as they try to give comfort to those who have comforted them over the years. You suddenly realize how hard it is to be the rock to the one’s who have always been your rock. It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt once said, ” A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.”

My mother not only made our house a home, she instilled values and was an advocate for our education when my father didn’t feel it was necessary. I recently watched a touching interview about Raymond Floyd’s career during the Masters Championship. A great deal of the focus was about his late wife, Maria Floyd and her impact on his life. He spoke about how strong she was and how she would challenge him when his game needed improvement. On one such occasion he recalled a heated fight with his wife while they were driving to a tournament that resulted in the car being pulled over. A good women should push and challenge her husband to face things he may not want to face. I recall many fights in my own house when my Mom would come up against my Father’s ego and you never knew who would win. She would always advise us to, “Pick our battles wisely.”

There has been a lot of talk lately about putting a woman on our currency. The three final candidates to replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill are, Rosa Parks, Eleanor Roosevelt Harriet Tubman and Wilma Mankiller. I can’t help but wonder, what has taken so long? It’s about time women get some recognition for their contributions, maybe we should be on the $100 note instead.

Women are the unsung heroes, they teach us how to nurture and take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually. Mother’s teach us how to give comfort, to be accepting when all hope is lost and to love ourselves when no one else possibly could. As we get older, we never outgrow the need for someone to hug us, tell us how special we are and let us know tomorrow is a new day.

As we celebrate Mom’s Day, spend some quality time with your Mother or other strong women in your life. Like many of you my Mom doesn’t need any more trinkets, but she did ask if I could come home and spend some time with her. How many more Mother’s Days will I get to enjoy that treasure?

Happy Mother’s Day!

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and freelance writer and may be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or on Facebook or Twitter at jcrosstalk.

No More Grousing

I stumbled across a new movement taking hold on the Internet. Check out this link to learn more about the specifics: Complaint Restraint Project. The initiative was established by Thierry Blancpain and Pieter Pelgrims, to create a more positive life by eliminating negative statements for 30-days.

“There’s no secret sauce,” the website says. “Simply stop complaining.”

Unfortunately misery just loves company doesn’t it?

I thought I would give it a whirl, so I enlisted some of my inner circle for a team style project. My sister said it sounded interesting but she couldn’t commit to starting until after the 19th of month. Huh? Can it really be that difficult to stop grousing?

Fast Company picked up the battalion and even wrote a post that lists ways to make not complaining a realistic goal:

Start by defining what a complaint is:

Turns out there is a difference between an observation and a complaint. Maybe I just tend to be very observant in my daily life. Especially when I notice coffee dribbled on the floor or laundry piled up. Perhaps people in my house just aren’t as observant as I am. Is that possible? Or did I just slip back into complaining? Seriously, a complaint brings about a negative undertone and makes the energy drain out of you.

Track how often you complain and what about:

This opens the mindfulness cavern and really gets your brain tuned into how habitually you fall into a pattern of complaining. One morning while watching the news I had 5 slips in a matter of minutes. Yikes, turn the television off, light candle and tune into some spa music.

Don’t engage:

Skip grousing fests and avoid friends who tend to over-grouse. If you have to attend a meeting or event, try to stay on the fringe or add something positive. Just last week, I opened my mouth to say something and a certain person pounced on me like Tigger in Pooh. The rant of expletives, and “that is the stupidest thing I ever heard,” followed. Ouch!

Use the “but-positive” technique:

We all know this little trick helps you turn a negative into a positive. Another way to phrase things is by turning a “but” into a “get.” Try turning, I have to pick up the dry cleaning, into, I get to pick up the dry cleaning, which happens to be right across the street from my favorite store. I have to go up north in the middle of a storm… but I get to spend time with my parents.

Just remember, ridding yourself of negativity takes work. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. Slips happen, just keep trying to find the rainbow in the midst of the storm. I am working on taking the challenge one day at a time. Won’t you join me?

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and freelance writer and may be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or www.www.crossnm.com

Lean In or Bend and Flow?

Could Life’s Perfect Formula Be Mirrored By Trees?

The wind picked up during my morning walk and I noticed a sudden shift in the air. As I looked around I could see the palm trees swaying and bowing as the wind slapped at their branches. The mighty oaks seemed to lean in deliberately taunting the wind as it challenged their aged sturdy canopy. Living in Florida we often see heavy winds, hurricanes and an occasional tornado. After the storms pass the debris can be seen for miles. Isn’t this just an analogy for our life? We hit a rough patch, a Tsunami of sorts, we get hurt, broken and the debris of our lives spreads out for months and sometimes decades.

Is it better to be like a palm tree or an oak? Turns out a palm tree is more like a flowering plant, a monocot. The center is made up of cells, a watery flexible sheath like substance which allows for nearly a 90 degree bend. At the base is a root ball system that teeters and tauter’s with pliable roots that rebuild after a storm. The oak on the other hand is a dicot, a heavily rooted hardwood, which grows massive roots and elaborate canopy systems providing shade and light to pass through similar to an umbrella. I love Oaks, they are confident and respected, but I am not sure I want to be like one when the storms of life hit.

Growing up I would have sworn that the sturdier and tougher you were the better chances you had to weather the storms. As they say, the older you get the more you know. There are powerful forces and seasons in life that require flexibility rather than rigidity. In some cases you must bend or you will break under the pressure. The palm tree’s greatest strength lies in their ability to be pliable when storms come and to regrow and rebuild when they pass. The oak can dig deep, cling on and grow to a massive girth, yet if pushed too hard the tree will uproot and fall.

The winds of change are ever present and my first inclination is always to lean in, pull from my roots and hold steadfast. But life has a way of teaching us lessons and sometimes we learn by toppling over leaving a wake of mass destruction with an empty hole left for weeds to fill. I will never forget one poignant message a friend of mine shared after her husband had passed away. Her biggest regret was that she spent her time scurrying around researching, trying to solve the problem and getting multiple opinions for the cancer that was eating away at her husband. In the end, she had wished she had just been still, sat with him and honored the time they had left together.

When the storms of life hit you, I think the perfect formula may be to rely on your roots, turn to God for comfort and gracefully sway, bow and dance so you can be the thing left standing when the sun shines again.

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and writer and can be reached at jcross@crossnm.com.

Everlasting Love

The month of February always symbolizes love. We all have read the statistics about divorce rates and I am sure many of you have experienced heartache and may be part of the statistics. I am certainly no expert on how to keep love alive but as we near our 10 year anniversary there are certain things I know for sure have contributed to our happy marriage.

One of my first love lessons occurred during a season of loss. Just before our wedding and a day before my birthday, my husband to be, lost his father after a long battle with Leukemia. It was a sad time for everyone. I wanted to comfort my husband and during that process learned a profound truth that we still rely upon to this day. We are in this relationship together, we have each other’s back and working as a team is better than going it alone. Difficulties either drive you apart or bind you together. One of the most prolific pieces of advice we received before we were married centered on our vows. A dear friend said, “You know there will always be a worse, a poorer and a sicker.” As an optimist I really had not thought of the opposite side to better, richer, and healthier until that poignant reminder.

During our engagement, I wrote a love letter to my husband recounting all the things I loved about him. My husband did the same, we still have the letters and the list we created with simple adjectives that described our most cherished qualities. Once a year, we review our lists which helps us both remember why we fell in love. This reflection exercise takes us back to the beginning and softens our hearts toward one another. Bitterness struggles to exist when there is no fertile ground. Love and compliments are lethal weapons to deploy against anger.

Right after we married, we signed up for a couple’s weekend. Over the course of the weekend we learned a great deal about each other and how to manage conflict lovingly. The Weekend To Remember conference provided us with tools that we keep in our arsenal and use when needed. One of the biggest Ah Ha moments for me was pertaining to self-centeredness. They talked about how so many people underestimate selfishness and how it can destroy your relationship. Selfishness leads to a critical spirit, which leads to disappointment, bitterness and finally isolation. One way to counteract going down the rabbit hole is to concentrate on your spouse’s positive traits. Once you shift your focus off your spouse and on to yourself, you can often catch bitterness before takes over. When you start to become critical of your spouse, inevitably there is something within you that needs to change. Turning the microscope of perfectionism and cynicism inward creates a shift in understanding differences along with a commitment to resolve them in a mature way.

There is no secret formula or magic pill that creates everlasting love. If you opened my husband’s wallet today, you would find a tattered and torn piece of paper that contains his handwritten heart felt, wedding vows. Here is an excerpt, “I devote myself to creating a marriage of affection, love, laughter, encouragement and understanding.” Those are not just empty words, staying in love requires a great deal of work and commitment. We plan to stay the course.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, think about one small thing you can do to compliment your partner and breathe new life and love into your relationship.

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and freelance writer and may be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or www.www.crossnm.com

Digital Escape

What Happened To Our Quiet Time?

Computers, Smart Phones, PDA’s and tablets were all designed to make our life easier, and more entertaining, but frankly, sometimes a break from all the noise and instant access is quite refreshing. Henry David Thoreau once said, “He who enjoys true leisure has time to improve his soul’s estate.” Lately, my soul has been dragging a bit and sometimes I feel like I have been reduced to a “human doing,” instead of a human being.

Recently, I went on a trip and decided not to bring my “electronic gear”. When I got on the plane I felt liberated, like I didn’t actually have to do work. After arriving at my destination, my phone reception was so bad that it was in and out of service. Instead of being upset I was surprisingly ambivalent . One day, I actually went to a meeting and accidentally left my phone behind at the hotel. At first a feeling of being out of control came over me, what would I miss, what emergency would happen that I would not be aware of? The day ended up being quite relaxing and the world seemed to continue on without my input 24/7.

That evening I went for a walk, without a music device in my ear. On my walk birds were chirping , a hedgehog was rustling in the bush and flowers were growing wild by the road. All the sounds of nature had become muffled by the blaring, beeping and pinging in my head and suddenly they came alive again.

Think about the last time you had quiet time, where you were just still, sat and pondered. The devices that were designed to make us more connected and efficient have become intrusions, robbing us of small peaceful joys like sitting on the porch swing, listening to the leaves rustle, or taking a walk in nature.

Today, life has us connected instantaneously, but is all this connectivity robbing your soul?

This video of NewYorker.com editor Nicholas Thompson speaks to CBS to discuss how to fight the technology overload:

http://www.cbs.com/shows/cbs_this_morning/video/Ial83dGg6xlDpIHmSdSEy85wSpcQTF3R/electronic-escape-how-to-get-some-space-from-your-devices-in-2015/

How Do You Make Lasting Change?

Here we are again starting off a new year together! What do you plan to do differently this year? Usually I outline resolutions and goals and like most of you forget about them along the way. Let’s do something different this year! Begin with a commitment to make change. To change something about ourselves is difficult but not impossible as long as we are willing to make an effort. Start with something small and focus on the positive results. Avoid toxic feelings that make you feel like you are giving something up. Change is not easy; In fact most of the time people resist change, feel awkward and don’t want to try new ways of doing things. We are all at different levels of readiness throughout our lives and can only handle so much change. Some people are risk takers while others require more time to feel secure. Generally, if we lose focus or take the pressure off, we will revert back to the old ways and change won’t happen.

In order to make this year different we have to be proactive, positive and productive. Get off the fence, stop finger pointing and blaming or as the theme song from Frozen goes…Let It Go! Here is a bit of Irony, just as I was writing this article a long-term client called and has finally hired an in-house marketing VP, so I will be on my way to something new next year. Drat…change strikes again.

In order to be positive and proactive, we must first rid ourselves of toxic behaviors and patterns that sabotage us. These types of behaviors often hold us back from making lasting change in our lives. Think about any toxic behaviors that you exhibit and are willing to eliminate. Some examples may include; not being direct with people, using non-verbal put downs, being dogmatic, playing games with people, being negative or not respecting other opinions. Don’t worry, we all have our toxic habits, work on a short list and really be honest. Once you have identified some areas that need to be overhauled jot them down and replace them with positive and nourishing behaviors.

For me, I am working on being present and giving others my attention. Some other examples of replacing negative behaviors with positive ones may be; keeping your word, treating others with respect, keeping confidences, expressing a genuine interest, showing appreciation to others, smiling and honestly stating desires and needs.

Once you have outlined the behaviors you want to rid yourself of and the complimentary list of new behaviors to replace your old ways with, you will be on your way toward making permanent and lasting change.

The last step is to finish with a list that states what you will do more of in 2015 and what you will do less of or stop doing all together. Cheers, here is to making permanent change!

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and freelance writer and may be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or www.www.crossnm.com

Give The Gift of being Present This Holiday Season

Give The Gift of being Present This Holiday Season

As the holiday season approaches, do you find yourself looking forward with excitement or are you already exhausted? Are you going through the motions, making preparations or are you enjoying the moment, spending quality time with family and friends and finding inner Joy? Recently, I have been doing a lot of work on living in the present. By this I mean staying focused on what is going on right now instead of letting my mind wonder down the rabbit hole of endless To Do Lists. Being present takes a great deal of discipline and practice. This may sound silly but developing your Present Moment Awareness (PMA) skill set isn’t as easy as it sounds. The reality is you can’t be present if you are worrying, thinking and planning all the time. When you live the better part of your life in your head, through your thoughts, you are not fully experiencing all that this life has to offer. After a weekend seminar with Oprah and Deepak, I decided to practice PMA. As a tool, The Chopra Center has a series of meditations that are available to download for free. I highly encourage you to check them out at chopracentermeditation.com.

Here is a simple exercise that might help you get started on your path to living your life in the present moment. Begin by tapping into the five senses. Many people go through life unaware of the beauty that surrounds them. Find a quiet place, be still and focus on your breath, relax and become present with the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches around you. See the colors, touch your skin or clothes, smell the air, listen to the sounds, notice the taste of food or a piece of candy. Go through all five senses and really become aware of the difference between your thoughts and what you are experiencing with your senses. Stay fully aware and try to remain in that state. Repeat the exercise whenever you start to slip back into your thoughts.

Once you have mastered this, try to apply the experience to your daily routine. Instead of operating on auto-pilot try being fully aware of what you are doing. Practice living in the moment not thinking about the future or the past. When you catch yourself slipping into your thoughts, or casting judgment go back through the sensory awareness exercise.

There are a number of benefits to living in the present. People connect with you on a deeper level. They like being around you more because they feel heard. You experience more joy and gratitude for the people in your life. Once you make the determination that you can’t work everything out in your mind, your heart will kick in to guide you. Suddenly you will shift into the present and start to image the possibilities instead of the restrictions. Start by being still, let go of critical judgments and limitations and focus on present moment opportunities and experiences. I wish you much success, Namaste!

Jodi Cross is a freelance writer and marketing consultant. She can be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or visit www.www.crossnm.com.

The Art Of Journaling

Recently, I started journaling again. This has been a habit of mine off and on over the years. I fill-up one journal, stop for a while and start up again with a blank canvass. My journaling habit came about as a way to remember experiences and tap into my feelings. I started by journaling vacation details and recounting questions which would keep me up at night or jotting down Ah Ha ideas. These details always came in handy down the road when my memory became a bit fuzzy.

Over the years journaling has become a favorite hobby of mine. Putting words to paper or tablet has benefited me in so many ways. Writing can be therapeutic, even cathartic and is great for self- expression. Journaling helps to relieve stress and can be instrumental for expressing feelings in private you don’t necessarily want to share. There are many uses for journaling but clearly it is a discipline that stimulates creativity. Journaling is a starting point for poetry verses, song lyrics and free writing which ultimately turned into my monthly columns.

Writing allows you a certain freedom that speaking does not. Like many girls my journaling started when I was young; there was a small key attached to my pink journal. The lock symbolizing keep out, private meaningful thoughts inside. Truth be told, inquiring siblings very likely perceived this as an invitation to snoop. During my teenage years, I filled pages with broken hearted relationship stories and secret crushes. As I grew older, I recounted college memories and friendships along with hurts and disappointments. I always carry a journal on vacation with me and I write down all the detail of my trips. There are guide names from places I have stayed, favorite restaurants where I dined and other magical memories from ancient city explorations.

The intimate contact between paper and pen leads to more personal thoughts and creative ideas. Journaling is introspective even when writing about the mundane. Sometimes I go back and read old journals and I am always surprised by all I discover about how I was feeling during a particular phase of my life. The act of writing is what makes my old journals valuable to me.

Journaling beckons you to the present, to a quiet place and time of reflection to ponder the unanswered questions that haunt you. Through words, dreams and plans can be formed while moments and memories come alive.

If you have thought about journaling, now is a perfect time to pick up a notebook or try an on-line app for writing today. There are some great sites and books to ignite your creative juices. “Writing Down The Bones” by Natalie Goldberg or “Bird By Bird” by Annie Lamott, provide some great starting ideas. You may just be lured into the art of writing as I was, but beware, it can be addictive.

Jodi Cross is a freelance writer and marketing consultant. She can be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or visit www.www.crossnm.com.

They Call It… The Journey Through the Clouds

Last month we traveled from Calgary to Vancouver on a trip they call the Journey through the Clouds. We saw majestic mountains, scenic valleys, wildlife and azure lakes. Part of our vacation was aboard a train called the Rocky Mountaineer, which set an enjoyable pace through Western Canada and across the Great Divide.

We started out in Lake Louise at the infamous Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise. If you ever get to Alberta this resort is not to be missed! The property is a lovely old hotel with vistas overlooking some of the most beautiful mountain scenery, emerald waters and a stunning glacier all surrounded by cool Canadian temperatures, mountain trails and refreshing air.

Known as the hiking capital of the world, Lake Louise captivates you with meandering paths, sightseeing Gondolas and the adventure you would expect of a national park. In fact, the majority of the trip both by car and train takes you through Canada’s treasure chest of National Parks.

We headed out of Lake Louise and continued on our journey to Jasper to pick up the train. The drive was about three hours long on the Icefields Parkway. Normally driving bores me, but this was the most spectacular drive I have ever been on. The ride takes you through Banff and Jasper National parks. Rugged peaks, turquoise lakes, waterfalls and glaciers peek out at you around ever turn. It is absolutely stunning! There are places to camp, picnic or hike all along the route. We stopped several times but you could literally spend an entire day on this drive.

We picked up the train in Jasper a sleepy little town of 4,700 people. The Rocky Mountaineer was top notch. We opted for the Gold Leaf experience which provides meals, beverages and a dome like viewing coach. Meals are served in a dining car below. The over night stop is in a town called Kamloops then you continue for another day heading toward Vancouver. Over bridges, through tunnels, and past rivers we traveled. We saw fisherman and salmon swimming in one of the biggest salmon runs in 40-years.

We arrived in Vancouver to spend a couple of days in a chic metropolitan city with great restaurants, shopping and nightlife. The city was easy to get around with a bus system that continually loops to all the attractions. There is a wonderful mix of culture and nature in Vancouver with Stanley Park being a highlight. We walked to Granville Island, breezed through ChinaTown and shopped along Robson Street. This was the perfect mix of scenic landscapes, outdoor activities and big city fun. I feel refreshed and ready for the busy fall season ahead.

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and freelance writer and may be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or www.www.crossnm.com

When Did Ethics Become Subjective?

When Did Ethics Become Subjective?

By: Jodi Cross

You may have heard the old saying…It’s not what you do when someone is looking, it’s what you do when no one is looking that defines your moral character.

How did the ethical balance in our society get so out of control? Do ethics still matter; are they relevant or subjective? Ethics are a standard of moral behaviors that are accepted by society as right versus wrong. They guide us, define our character and help us make the right choices. Then why the Ponzi schemes, corporate CEO resignations and Martha Stewart going to jail for insider trading? All of this can’t be a good thing! Has greed commandeered our ethics? It seems like this generation doesn’t see any real moral absolutes and they tend to make decisions based on their situation. Which is to say, if it fits their lifestyle then why not do it?

Situational ethics has created a moral decay that is pervasive in our society today. People can be caught doing something and still lie about it, all while justify and blaming it on someone or something else. In theory, people agree about what is right and wrong, things like honesty, courage, respect for life are clearly right and cheating, lying, and stealing are wrong. So how did we get where we are today?

Ethics is more than dealing with the legal consequences of your actions it is about how you feel about yourself when you do something that is ethically questionable. Better yet, ask yourself, would you want someone to do the same thing to you? People may be above the law and not get caught but we should never abandon ethics.

Ethics is something that should be ingrained in us. It is about how we treat one another. My parents modeled it every day by providing guiding values, and making us accountable for our choices. Our forefathers decreed ethics as a self-evident truth, Moses brought down the commandments, not the suggestions. It is time we get a grip and stop sliding down the slippery ethical slope laced with justifications and excuses. Choosing the ethical solution isn’t always easy, that’s why it’s called an moral dilemma. I believe if we all tap into our guiding compass we will pick the right path and one we can be proud of. Perhaps that will start a chain of events that will bring us back on course.

Jodi Cross is a marketing consultant, speaker and freelance writer and may be reached at jcross@crossnm.com or www.www.crossnm.com

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